Monday, December 21, 2009

Christmas Tree Crisis

So last night we went out to get our Christmas Tree. We intentionally waited to get and decorate the tree closer to Christmas. Hate decorating right after Thanksgiving. So first we head over to Home Depot. On the way over I notice our GMC "Band Van" is sputtering a bit. I think it needs a new fuel filter, but haven't changed it yet. Get to Home Depot. No trees. They are sold out. So we jump back in the "Band Van" (AKA Big Bertha) and head to Fred Meyers. Half way there, on a major street, Bertha dies. Pouring rain, middle lane. We are seriously blocking traffic. People pass by- yell and beep. Now maybe Bertha is not the best looking van and maybe I should put some money into a tune-up, but common people! Family stuck in traffic and you yell and beep?!? Always "the other guy" with those turd muffins. Finally after five minutes Bertha starts. She sputters and I try to get over into the right hand lane. No one will let us over! It's like, "fuck you, block the other lane you band van drivin' low lifes!" So I punch it and lurch at the cars to my right. They slam on their brakes and let me over. People may not like looking at Bertha, but people do not fuck with Bertha. Not even 4x4s and Suburbans! Sputter sputt sputt into the Fred Meyer parking lots. I have a feeling if I dump a bottle of STP fuel treatment in Bertha she will come around. The wife and kids go pick the tree, I grab the STP (hey that rhymes).We meet up and load the tree and STP into Bertha. Sput sputt sput. Then she's running better. Bpurrpp and off we go to get some good gas and was down the STP. Bertha dies pulling into the gas station. We fill up with the good stuff. Bprrrr sputt sputt. She won't start. Bprrrrr, putt-sputt. We limp her over to a parking spot and sit for a few minutes. "well," I tell the family, "at least there's a mechanic here, so if she won't start they can fix her." "But Dad, the what about the tree!" We are at least twenty blocks from home so there is no way to walk the tree home. We try to start Bertha again. Brummmmm! She's running...she's running good! STP rocks! So homeward we go with our Fred Meyer tree in tow (hey that rhymes too). Set the tree up, put some lights up while listening to some Ska (our yearly tradition to decorate the tree to Ska tunes). Life is good.

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